Bad Movie, Bad Poetry

Bag Whore and Husband have assumed the role of my “bad movie buddies.” Being film fiends, they go to the cinema quite often, yet whenever I join them it seems we end up watching the worst film currently playing.

Last time I tagged along with them to the cineplex, we watched the travesty that was The Chancellor. This past weekend I went over, under the impression that we would be going to watch Dallas Buyer’s Club, which I had heard good things about. When I arrived their place, I was informed the tickets (already purchased via the magical Internet) were actually for Non-Stop — the new Liam Neeson action flick¬†that¬†features him kicking ass on a plane. Whether or not this movie mix-up was ¬†intentional, I felt like I’d been a victim of a classic bait-and-switch routine.

Never mind — this bad movie was nowhere near as awful as The Chancellor, and all three of us were grateful for that. It was action packed, suspenseful, and possibly as interesting as a film shot in the confines of an airplane can get. (I say that never having seen Snakes on a Plane.)

My main complaint about this bad movie was how often the camera panned onto Mr. Neeson’s hands; he has hideous fingernails.

But as they say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. So when you’ve been dragged to a bad movie under what were arguably false pretences, write some bad poetry about it.

Oh, and warning, spoilers below!

Please Stop, Non-Stop

Wi-fi on a plane seems like a bad idea,

Some sociopath killer is using it to monger fear.

Framed as a terrorist — untrue, untrue!

Turns out social media can really screw you.

Featuring a fellow with an epic flat-top,

Substance abuse, betrayal and mistrust also crop up.

That Lupita Nyong’o whom we all do adore

She says five words in this movie — I know, I kept score!


Wow, trying to rhyme your stanzas is super hard. Again, no attention was paid at all to poetic meter, but I think I might be getting slightly less awful at this bad poetry thing.