Bad Movie, Bad Poetry

by Ranim Elborai

Bag Whore and Husband have assumed the role of my “bad movie buddies.” Being film fiends, they go to the cinema quite often, yet whenever I join them it seems we end up watching the worst film currently playing.

Last time I tagged along with them to the cineplex, we watched the travesty that was The Chancellor. This past weekend I went over, under the impression that we would be going to watch Dallas Buyer’s Club, which I had heard good things about. When I arrived their place, I was informed the tickets (already purchased via the magical Internet) were actually for Non-Stop — the new Liam Neeson action flick that features him kicking ass on a plane. Whether or not this movie mix-up was  intentional, I felt like I’d been a victim of a classic bait-and-switch routine.

Never mind — this bad movie was nowhere near as awful as The Chancellor, and all three of us were grateful for that. It was action packed, suspenseful, and possibly as interesting as a film shot in the confines of an airplane can get. (I say that never having seen Snakes on a Plane.)

My main complaint about this bad movie was how often the camera panned onto Mr. Neeson’s hands; he has hideous fingernails.

But as they say, when life hands you lemons, make lemonade. So when you’ve been dragged to a bad movie under what were arguably false pretences, write some bad poetry about it.

Oh, and warning, spoilers below!

Please Stop, Non-Stop

Wi-fi on a plane seems like a bad idea,

Some sociopath killer is using it to monger fear.

Framed as a terrorist — untrue, untrue!

Turns out social media can really screw you.

Featuring a fellow with an epic flat-top,

Substance abuse, betrayal and mistrust also crop up.

That Lupita Nyong’o whom we all do adore

She says five words in this movie — I know, I kept score!


Wow, trying to rhyme your stanzas is super hard. Again, no attention was paid at all to poetic meter, but I think I might be getting slightly less awful at this bad poetry thing.